3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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