Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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