I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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