There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
