You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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