some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
