so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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