i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
