Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
