1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
