Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just cut my nipple shaving
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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