We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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