If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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