I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I am one with the molecules
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
