we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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