Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
