I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
