And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
