I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
