You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
4 words: hood of his car
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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