Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
