Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
