At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Holy shit dude........stairs
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
