Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
