Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
