Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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