tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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