hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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