you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
