Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
