operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
accomplished twins. life is a go
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
