So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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