I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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