Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
