Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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