A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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