I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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