i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Randomize
