ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
