Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
