Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
