Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
