3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
