Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
