Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
