Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
