well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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