now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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