it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
