We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
