sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
