I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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