I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
