Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
