I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
