so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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